


Whispers

by BeaSox



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Movie 1: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, References to Depression, Social Anxiety, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 16:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13193766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeaSox/pseuds/BeaSox
Summary: Tina worries about Newt when parenting becomes too much for him.





	Whispers

It began with a whisper. Looking back, Tina found it ironic that a silly thing that her and Newt shared could be turned into something darker. Whispering was a preferred form of communication when crowds got to be too much for Newt, or when him and Tina wanted to keep their conversation a secret from a prying Queenie.

Tina was freshly back from an extended long trip to the coast for work, and was excited to return. She missed the city dearly; the beaches and constant sun was uncomfortably foreign to her. She had promptly invited Queenie and Jacob over without hesitation, searching to inform Newt on her arrival.

Something was off. Tina could tell just by glancing at him that he wasn't fully present, and considered confronting him on it. She decided that backing him into a corner would only make things worse, he despised confrontation. It made him nervous.

"Something's off about him today," Jacob observed, studying his friend's sudden interest in a wall. Newt had been staring into space nearly the whole time that they had engaged in conversation. His eyes were glassy and lifeless, reminding Tina of a soul being sucked out of a pale, dead body.

"I know. I doubt it's a big deal, he gets like this when I travel sometimes. I think he gets lonely," Tina rested her head on her hand, watching him closely. "I hope he'll tell me soon."

Queenie and Tina served dinner on the dining room table; a brand new edition to Newt and Tina's apartment. They chatted busily about nothing, but Newt remained at a transfixed silence. Tina yearned to wrap her arms around him tightly to tell him that they could be alone soon.

The steady chatter died down, and Queenie was squealing at something Jacob said, and Tina wanted to seize the opportunity to check up on Newt privately.

She observed his slouched posture, his chest heaving under his dress shirt. She had witnessed him hyperventilate on a few occasions, but the fearful look in his darting eyes still made her heart break. The others noticed his labored breathing, his composure melting away at each shaky breath.

"Are you okay, honey?" She whispered in an even tone, trying to come off as supportive and loving as possible.

"I need help. I really need help."

It was a trembling whisper filled with an untouchable helplessness that tainted the air darkly. Thing were never the same after Newt tearfully confessed that he had been thinking about hurting himself for months, and he was overwhelmed and tired of his own self hatred.

They all contributed to comforting him, telling him that everything was going to be okay. Tina talked him through different ways of coping, and helped him search for a threapist. She held him through the night, afraid that if she let go that he would disappear forever. 

~

"I want to feed the ocamies! I want to do it! I'm old enough now," Grace squealed cheerfully, bouncing up to grab a pail.

"Okay, be careful," Newt grinned, protectively watching his daughter dash to fill the pail. He ran his hand through his hair. His neck ached, his anxiety acting up. He supposed it was from the sudden increased parenting expectations as Tina went back to work after her short maternity leave.

"Daddy?" Grace slid the pail back onto it hook in the shed, her eye brimmed with innocent concern.

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Did you take the medicine today?"

"W-What do you mean?"

"The pills you eat every mornin'. Mommy says to make sure that you eat them. Or you'll get sad. I don't want you to be sad. It scares me when you're sad."

Newt bit his lip, conflicted on how to react. "Hey, I'll be okay. I took them this morning, so don't worry, okay? I promise I won't scare you anymore."

He bent down to make eye level with the child, and she nodded thoughtfully before hugging him. "Yay! That means we can go to the park more, right? Ooh, can we go today?"

"I..I don't know. I'm sorry, but maybe another day," he mentally kicked himself for letting his own kin down, but he couldn't imagine going out while he already was on edge as it was.

"Don't be sad today, daddy. You promised, 'member?"

"Right. I'm happy, Grace. I am."

~  
Tina got a telephone call. It was bizarre for anyone to ring her at work, but she picked it up. She knew who it was in the back of her mind, but she crossed her fingers that she was only being paranoid.

The familiar voice of a child spoke on the other end, confirming Tina's fears. Newt  was having another episode. He tended to shut himself out of all socialization, isolating himself in his locked case or bedroom.

"He's refusing to open the door?" Tina asked weakly, her energy choked out of her by the news. It was the third time this week. "He took the medicine this morning, right? Okay, good. Can you tell him a message for me, sweetie?"

~  
Newt whispered to himself softly, the air thick and deadly in the room. He found when he did this it helped calm himself down, and to help his breathing return to normal. 

"You're okay, you're okay. You're not going to hurt yourself today. You'll live. You have to survive for them," he shut his eyes, covering his face with his hands in the darkness.

There was a feeble knock on the door. Grace. He supressed the urge to sob at his stuborness and folishness to shut his daughter out.

"Mommy says to pick up the line when she rings it from work," Grace's voice was cut off by and ear splitting ring of the bedroom telephone, and they both jumped.

Newt complied, desperate to hear Tina's voice.  
"Tina, Tina, Tina, Tina. I'm freaking out. I need you so much right now. Please."

"I'll be there in a few, honey. Just try to relax for now, okay? Did something happen?"

"She knows. Grace knows that I'm c-crazy now...she'll never look at me the same. I just wanted her to look up to m-me," Newt gripped the reciever, his knuckles turning white. "I hate myself, Tina. Please make me feel otherwise. Please."

"She loves you, Newt. She worships you and sees you as a role model, that's never going to change. She loves you! I love you. I'll be there in a few minutes, I just need to file a few things. Don't do anything irrational before I get home, okay?"

"Y-Yes."

"Promise me you won't cause yourself harm."

"I promise."

Newt heard the door open a while later, and felt his heart skip at the sight of his wife. "Tina," he whispered weakly, standing up.

"Hey, honey. I'm here now. You don't have to be afraid anymore," she spoke in a  warm tone that reminded him to a comforting embrace.

He wrapped his arms around her, burying his face into her neck. "I'm scared, Tina."

"What are you scared of?"

"Myself. I'm scaring myself with these mood swings and random bouts of depression. I can't do this."

"Yes you can. You're strong, honey. You're the most kind and strong person I've ever met. You'll get through this, I promise you that."

His breathing didn't slow, and Tina whispered to him about her day and the adorable dress she spotted in a shop window that would suit little Grace perfectly. She tried to pull away for a moment, but he laced his arms tighter around her. She told him that she was simply going to tuck Grace into bed and to check that she brushed her teeth first. She reluctantly left him cold and alone, stumbling into Grace's room.

Newt had a nightmare. He hadn't had one in a while, and he was startled by the abrupt disruption of his typically peaceful slumber. He tried to not wake Tina beside him, but she was a light sleeper and woke easily. The fact that he was trembling uncontrollably and sobbing into his arm didn't help his case, Tina stirring.

"Come here," she rolled over, making space for him closer to her. "Shhhh, you're okay. It's okay to cry. You're okay now, I won't let you hurt yourself again. Ever."

She stroked his hair tenderly, planting a kiss delicately on his hand. The same hand that he had held a blade a year before, scratching at the pale surface of his exposed skin to hit a vein. He had only recently told her about his embarrassing suicide attempt failure, the scars fading tremendously well over time.

"Is it all getting too much for you? I'll take Grace to Queenie and Jacob's tomorrow morining, and we can spend some time alone together."

"You have w-work...I'll be fine, I p-promise."

"I can afford to take a day off. Or a few. I told you when I got pregnant that if everything made you feel lost and alone to tell me. I'll help you, we're in this together, after all." She kissed the top of his head, curly hair matted to his forehead with perspiration. "I love you more than you'll ever know. Go back to sleep now."

~

"How bad is it?" Queenie asked, her and her older sister finally getting a moment alone to discuss her sudden need for a babysitter. 

"I had to coax him to sleep last night. I haven't had to do that in a while. He's not feeling stable right now, but I think a bit off with me will do him good."

Queenie nodded, sorrow masking her face clear as day. "I miss him. I miss seeing him. We used to see him all of the time before...I know it's selfish, but I wish that he'd just see that he shouldn't hate himself so much."

"I know. I miss him, too," Tina sighed, shuffling her feet. 

"Mommy! You're still here?" Grace trotted out of the bathroom, racing to hug her mother. 

"Of course, I would never miss saying goodbye to my favorite daughter in the whole world," Tina smiled daintily, before sucking in a deep breath and bending down to meet Grace's eyes. "Hey, thank you for calling about how your dad was doing. It was a very responsible thing to do, you're grown into such as big girl." She picked her up, resting her on her hip expertly. 

"Is he going to be okay?"

Tina kissed her forehead, pulling her into a gentle hug. "Of course, honey. He just gets sad sometimes."

"Why? Was someone mean to him?"

"No...it's hard to explain. Nothing happened, it's just hard for him to be happy on occasions."

Tina reassured Newt as he emptied his insecurities and fears onto her, hand in hand as they walked around a park. He got better slowly, but Tina still worried about him. He mumbled her name in his sleep every night, begging for her to not leave him. She never asked him about this, but assumed it had to do with the traveling she used to do for work. She wondered if he thought she would leave and never come back.

~

"Daddy?" Grace knocked timidly on the bedroom door, and Newt sat upright in his chair.

"Come in, honey. What is it?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, thank you."

"You're not sad today?"

"I'm alright."

Grace stared at the floorboards, and Newt felt guilt bite at him.  
 "Come here, honey. I'm okay now."

Grace grinned a toothy grin, dashing to scrambled onto Newt's lap. "Story?"

"Story." He slid his wand off his nightstand to bring a children's book to him from the bookshelf across the bedroom. "Grace, you know I love you with all of my heart, right?"

Grace cuddled into his chest, smiling to herself. "I know. I love you too. I'm happy that you aren't breathing hard and locking yourself in as much. I know that you'll get better all the way soon. I know it."


End file.
